is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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