You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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