Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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