Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
