every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
