I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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