So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
