This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
