He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
