My first STD was from a foam party
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
