i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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