I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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