I should be sponsored by Trojan
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
