Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
