The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
