It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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