all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
