In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
