I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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