You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
