I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Acid is not a monday night drug
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
