Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
