420 ftw
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
