Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
