some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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