I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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