In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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