i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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