You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
