once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
