you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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