I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
should my penis look like a turkey
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
