I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
