yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
