I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
