Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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