it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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