It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
