Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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