Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
