I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
