my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
