So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
