think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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