Porn is love you can see.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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