So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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