Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You ruined the universe
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
