remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there is puke in my bra ... again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
