I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
