Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
