Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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