we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
