walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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